They call it jittering
Flashback!
Deep underground in an abandoned salt mine, Agent Sapphire took her place behind a perfect replica of a Switchback Fair stall. The cavern was otherwise empty. She waited.
A flicker of movement in her peripheral vision…
‘Nice day today, isn’t it?’
A customer had dropped from the ceiling. Agent Sapphire was ready. Months of training would see her through.
‘Oh, it’s lovely, isn’t it?’ she replied.
‘I might go down to the stream later, have a little paddle,’ said the customer.
Agent Sapphire executed a perfect double somersault over the stall and pinned the customer to the ground.
‘What do you know about the stream?‘ she barked, slapping the customer repeatedly about the face.
Another figure rushed out of the shadows to intervene.
‘No no no!’ he said. ‘That’s not the way you deal with customers! Cadet Sapphire, report back to barracks. You’re going back to basic training.’
End of flashback!
Deep in the heart of Switchback Fair, Agent Sapphire was setting out a real stall for the first time. She felt calm. Her training had not prepared her for light drizzle, but she felt calm. Deep breaths.
‘That’s summer over for this year then!’
Burt von Jam had wandered over from his own stall.
‘Oh, it’s – I mean, yes, typical, isn’t it?’ said Agent Sapphire, her heart racing.
‘Burt von Jam, pleased to meet you.’
Agent Sapphire gave her false name and they shook hands.
‘I trust you’re settling in without too much trouble,’ said Burt von Jam. ‘Any problems, you call me, OK? And we hold a meeting of the Stall Holders’ Association every Wednesday lunchtime. When it’s nicer weather than today we go down to the stream and have a picnic. Do join us, won’t you – er – are you all right?’
Agent Sapphire was bracing herself against the stall, gasping for air.
‘Picnic – lovely,’ she managed.
‘You look like you could do with a nice bit of jam,’ said Burt von Jam.
‘I’m fully trained to eat jam,’ murmured Agent Sapphire.
‘That’s marvellous!’ said Burt von Jam. ‘I was thinking of instituting a training programme myself. The way the younger generation eat their jam today, with their hoodies on, typing out “I’m eating jam” on Twitter at the same time, I just don’t know what to make of it – ‘