Turn Back!
A Mysterious Shepherd: You'll be going the wrong way, my friend. This way leads to the abandonment of all hope, and I don't believe you be looking for that. Are you?
No, I thought not. You're looking for the secret of Switchback Fair, I can tell.
There's no use pulling faces. We're all looking for the secret of the Fair, in one way or another. Here, let me show you a map:
You see, it is really quite simple. I'm sorry? You just want to know where the toilets are? I'm showing you the way to the legendary secret of Switchback Fair, and all you can think about is your urinary system?
I didn't have to be a shepherd, you know. I had a law degree! I could have gone into management consultancy! But NO! I had to go and get cursed by a malevolent wizard on my graduation day, didn't I? And ever since, I've been trapsing round the Switchback hills in the eternal drizzle, protecting smelly ruminants from their own stupidity. And on my mind-bogglingly rare days off, I get to try and instil reason into the likes of you. Well wippideedoo.
All right, all right! The nearest ones are on your left, by the bins.